I thought it would be interesting to do a ritual for those who did not have
an amicable separation - because, let’s be honest, at the end of an intense
relationship, there might not be good feelings. Even when the relationship
ends with both in agreement, both people may never wish to speak to one
another again, but hurt feelings remain. Even if it was you who initiated the
separation, ending the relationship leaves a hole. This is a ritual designed for
a small group of people, closest to the X, the person “of honor”.
Note: For the sake of ease of writing, I am assuming we are working with a cis-
gendered, hetero female. This ritual however, can easily be adapted for all gender
identities and preferences.
Setup:
Altar decorated with lots fresh flowers (lotus, rose, or pink flowers in
general), pink and green crystals (healing ones, such as rose quartz, jade, pink
tourmaline, etc.), lit candles in joyous colors (yellows, reds, oranges, perhaps),
willow branches, lit incense (lotus, preferably, or rose), peacock feathers (if
possible), a bowl of rice as offering, pre-made black tea (hot or cold), cups for
each person attending, small bowl of water, scissors, glue stick, poster board
or large piece of cardboard, markers/crayons /colored pencils, etc. Pink
origami paper (the larger the better). A cauldron or other fire-proof container.
Each person should also have a good size photo of themselves that they
can cut. The main person, X, needs to have a photo of themselves and their ex
- preferably in the same photo, but not touching one another.
The group gathers in a circle around the altar and holds hands.
HP: We are gathered here to in honor of X - our sister, our friend, as she makes the
transition to a new chapter in her life. Two has become one. And we, her family of
spirit, are here to embrace her and welcome her as she becomes the many.
(Facing the north, all begin to stomp as fast or as slow as they wish)
Hail to the North
Hail to the Earth beneath our feet
Hail to the deep root and rock
We call upon you to ground us
(Stomp rapidly for a couple seconds, then stop)
(HP turns to the East)
(All begin to whistle quietly, as slow or as fast as they wish)
Hail to the East
Hail to the Air moving around us
Hail to the breath and the wind
We call upon you to lift our spirits
(Whistle loudly for a few seconds, then stop)
(HP turns to the South)
(All begin to hum)
Hail to the South
Hail to the Fire in our spirits
Hail to the flame and light
We call upon you to ignite our hearts
(Hum loudly for a few seconds, then stop)
(HP turns to the West)
(All begin to tap their hands on their legs, like the sound of rain)
Hail to the West
Hail to the Water of our soul
Hail to the wisdom and cleansing rain
We call upon you to heal our beings
(Tap on legs for a few seconds, then stop)
(HP faces the altar)
HP: Now we call upon the Goddess Kwan Yin
Lady of many names
One Who Hears the Cries of the World
Goddess of Compassion
Goddess of Friendship
Goddess of Healing
We open our hearts to you
We ask for your healing presence
We ask that you gift our sister, X, with your blessing
The circle is cast
Our work can begin
(HP spends a few moments mentioning how they know X and perhaps
reflect on the ending that has occurred.)
X, you are our sister and our friend
You are our family
We stand beside you
We support you.
Come forth and cut your past free - release the part of you that no longer serves a
purpose. That holds you back from all you can be on your own.
X comes forward and take the picture of them with their ex, and cuts
themselves out of the photo. They then light the remainder of the photo and
state:
I am free
I stand on my own
And tosses the flaming bit into the cauldron. X then takes the photo of
themselves and glues it to the center of the poster board.
X either holds the cauldron or stands behind it, as each friend comes up
and cuts out their image, burning the background and states:
The past is the past
It is all in the background
What remains is our friendship
They then glue their photo around X’s and state:
You may stand on your own
But you are not alone
I am with you
They then return to the circle and the next person proceeds as above.
When all are done:
HP:
Kwan Yin, goddess of wishes and healing
We are here to ask you to bless X
We now will drink tea that is sacred to Kwan Yin, and create a lotus blossom of
hope and light.
Each person shall, on the white side of the paper, draw or right a blessing or wish
of healing.
Relax, make merry, and get creative!
X walks around and hands a cup of tea to each person, as they begin to
work on their origami lotuses. Messages can be as long or a short as they like
- pictures can be drawn as well.
When all are done, each person lays the blossom, one at a time, before the
collage of photos and states:
X, I ask Kwan Yin to bless and heal you
At this point, X can say a few words if they like - about moving forward, or
friendship, or whatever they feel they need to get off their chest. Then they
will be the one to close the circle.
X:
Kwan Yin
You have blessed us with your presence
You have filled my heart with light
You have set my feet on the path of healing
I thank you for honoring us
Until we meet again
Farewell
Spirits of the West
Spirits of Water
You have blessed us with healing
Until we meet again
Farewell
Spirits of the South
Spirits of Fire
You have blessed us with passion
Until we meet again
Farewell
Spirits of the East
Spirits of Air
You have blessed us with inspiration
Until we meet again
Farewell
Spirits of the North
Spirits of Earth
You have blessed us with certainty
Until we meet again
Farewell
(X then thanks the group in their own words)
The photo collage and the lotuses are kept by X to remind them that they
are never alone.
Link to Origami Lotus here
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